hello world - Another blog on the internet...

Well, the title says it all.

I'm not sure how long this will be here, or elsewhere. For now it is; later perhaps not. Why would anybody be reading a blog of someone that they don't know, or even someone that they do? I've read blogs from time to time and I think that it has to do with our need to anonymously reassure ourselves that we are not alone. Or maybe that is just me, as I'm prone to casually slip into solipsism. It's a failing that I'm trying to right. It's very overwhelming (in a good way) to realize that each of the world's inhabitants is just as complex as myself, just as prone to fight for personal survival and wreak havoc when that struggle is perceived as being a losing one.

Since my last relationship ended I've often felt like I was drowning. That person, that plan, that future are all being suffocated, because I can't continue down that path with out an 'us,' without her. I'm sure it is a common experience, but knowing that brings no comfort during the immediacy of the breakup, does it?

So, I have tried to treat life like a military campaign: a force, an enemy, an objective, a field. If the proper doctrine can be found, it shall be studied and then applied.

My first attempts met with disaster due to a desire to model the entire system. This is madness, especially when the apparatus of the thought experiment is limited: no physical documents are to be produced, there will be no scale models to aid the scientist. I've been forced to conclude that I am a simple man. I have stripped down my model to a) myself and b) my goal. I can handle that. Everything else will be dealt with strictly on a case by case basis with "everything else" being what ever lays between a) and b). So I'm back to me against the world: solipsism.

Enough time has passed for me to begin to get a grip on what it means to be a) (myself), but b) (my goal) is elusive.